Christmas Capers
by Anjion
Summary: What happens when you put a bunch of gorgeous Newsies, three lovable sidekicks, two crazy fangirl authors and one grumpy elf into one festive story? Read on to find out! WARNING: Extreme festive fiascos and mania within!


**By Biankies and Anjion**

 **A/N: This is another collaboration between me and my best friend, Biankies, and features our 3 favourite sidekicks, Babkak, Omar and Kassim (specifically those from the original Broadway cast) the Newsies (movie cast), and a few of our favourite characters from other movies.**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters except Mac, Lacey and ourselves. Please read and review!**

 **AA/N: Mac and Lacey are Newsies. Mac is the doctor to her friends and Lacey is Spot's second-in-command and annoys him mercilessly! Enjoy!**

( _It is a beautiful, hot day in Manhattan. The sun is bright, the city birds are singing, and everything is peaceful...until a large group of boys and one colourful trio – led by Biankies and Anjion, the crazy fangirl authors better known as Mouse and Stars – come pounding out of nowhere, pursued by an angry, white-haired and red-faced man._..)

ANJION: ( _puffing_ ) Haven't we lost him yet?

SNYDER: Come back here! I'm gonna put you all in the Refuge, where you belong!

BIANKIES: ( _in reply to Anjion_ ) Apparently not...

( _We run on, but then Anjion spots something strange_...)

ANJION: ( _yelling loudly_ ) Freeze frame!

( _Everyone except us, the boys and Mac and Lacey immediately freeze in position_.)

( _By this point, Bernard the Elf has randomly appeared out of nowhere and is looking apprehensive and nervous while trying to hide it behind a grumpy scowl._ )

BERNARD: Um, I'm looking for Stars and Mouse, the Terrible Two?

ANJION AND BIANKIES: ( _proudly_ ) That's us!

BERNARD: Santa has asked me to take you to the North Pole, and he wants you to write something Christmassy along the way...

( _Everyone explodes with excitement and Bernard is very nearly squashed in the process._ )

OMAR: ( _dancing excitedly around Kassim and Babkak_ ) The North Pole! I've always wanted to go there! Kassim, can we go, please please please?

KASSIM: You'll have to ask Stars and Mouse. They're the ones who write these things...

( _And at this moment, the scene, including a very angry Snyder, begins to revert back to normal, so Anjion makes a snap decision_...)

ANJION: ( _cheerfully but urgently_ ) Come on people! We're going to the North Pole!

( _She hurriedly leads the way into a random portal that has suddenly opened up.._.)

BIANKIES: ( _nervously_ ) Hey Starsie, are we where I think we are?

SKITTERY: Please tell me we ain't...

( _But a moment later, a loud growling can be heard, making our hearts sink..._ )

SNITCH: ( _shouting_ ) It's the dinosaur place again!

OMAR: ( _panicking_ ) Oh no oh _no_ oh NO; I don't like the dinosaurs! KASSIIIIIIMM!

KASSIM: ( _rubbing_ _his_ _ear_ ) Omar, I'm right here! There's no need to shout!

( _And then the velociraptors appear.._.)

JAKE: ( _in a deceptively level voice_ ) There's only one thing for it. RUN!

( _We all run as fast as we can until we find safety in a nearby shed_.)

BIANKIES: ( _excitedly and apparently star-struck_ ) Ooh, can I have one of those? _Please_ Starsie? Can I? I'll look after it and everything?!

( _Anjion looks at her friend with a strange expression._ )

KASSIM: ( _looking nervously at Anjion_ ) Please tell me you're gonna say no.

ANJION: ( _sighing as Biankies continues to beg at her feet, tongue lolling, rather resembling a hopeful puppy_ ) I'll have to see if I can arrange something with Santa...

BABKAK: ( _in_ _shock_ ) You can't mean you're _actually_ gonna _get_ her a dinosaur?!

ANJION: ( _to Babkak, in a whisper_ ) Don't worry! I've had an idea that ought to keep _everyone_ happy!

SKITTERY: Er, you might want to finish this discussion later... The raptors have found us...

SNITCH: ( _cheerfully_ ) Why don't we climb up this random beanstalk? Maybe we'll be safe at the top...

BIANKIES: Oh no! I ain't climbing that thing! I don't like heights!

BERNARD: If you want to survive long enough to get a monster for Christmas, you may _have_ to climb up there...

BIANKIES: ( _seeing his logic_ ) On second thoughts, it isn't _that_ high...

( _We reach the top of the beanstalk and sink to the ground in relief. But that relief is short-lived as we suddenly hear giant footsteps approaching.._.)

GIANT: FEE FI FO FUM! I smell the blood of NEWSIES!

( _He starts singing 'The Bottom Line' at the top of his voice as we all look at each other_.)

MAC: ( _confused_ ) Does he want to _eat_ us or _sing_ at us?

SKITTERY: I ain't staying around to find out!

BERNARD: I agree with Skittery; let's get outta here!

GIANT: ( _stopping his song and looking close to tears_ ) But I want a friend to sing with. No one _ever_ wants to sing with me!

OMAR: ( _looking upset_ ) That's so sad.

( _So we sing a short extract of 'Arabian Nights' with him, with Babkak, Omar and Kassim doing the moves_.)

GIANT: ( _wiping away tears as we finish_ ) Gee, thanks guys! ( _pause_ ) And _now_ I must _eat_ you!

( _And he starts to chase us..._ )

BERNARD: ( _squeakily_ ) Quick! To that random rainbow slide thingy...

( _Anjion grabs Biankies' arm and jumps onto the slide...which is a bad idea because then we are both at the bottom of the pile, swiftly followed by Snipeshooter.._.)

SNIPES: ( _looking eagerly about_ ) Hey, look at all these presents!

( _Which then start exploding, shooting colourful confetti into the air, and the loud bangs draws the attention of a rather annoyed creature._..)

BIANKIES: ( _nervously pulling at Anjion's sleeve_ ) Starsie, I think I just found something scarier than Snyder!

ANJION: ( _unable to see thanks to the Newsie who has just landed on her head_ ) What is it? It's not the Grinch, is it?

SKITTERY: The G-Grinch? ( _He hides behind Biankies_.)

GRINCH: ( _grinning mischievously_ ) BOO!

SKITTERY: AAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! ( _He faints_.)

( _Omar, on the other hand, simply sits and smiles, unafraid, at the Grinch_.)

OMAR: Wow!

BABKAK: ( _in_ _disbelief_ ) Wait; you're not _scared_ of the strange green creature?

OMAR: No. _You're_ a strange green creature...

BABKAK: Hey!

GRINCH: ( _still grinning_ ) Would you like a piece of my Christmas cake? It explodes, you know...

BIANKIES: ( _nervously_ ) Can _I_ be a coward now?

DAVID: Before we start panicking, let's go through this portal...

( _We hop through it and the boys' faces light up immediately._ )

LACEY: ( _in_ _dismay_ ) It's a huge roomful of sweets!

WILLY WONKA: ( _stepping_ _forward_ ) Welcome, my friends!

MAC: ( _groaning_ ) Oh no...

BIANKIES: ( _pulling Anjion's sleeve_ ) Starsie, we got a problem. A _big_ problem...

LACEY: ( _grabbing hold of Spot as he heads for the sweets_ ) Don't you dare, Conlon!

TUMBLER: Wahay! Sugar!

DUTCHY: ( _pulling Specs along_ ) Look! Giant gummy bears!

SNITCH: ( _jumping into the chocolate river_ ) I LOVE CHOCOLATE!

OOMPA LOOMPA: So do we.

BOYS: ( _taken by surprise_ ) AAAAAHHHHHHGGGG!

ANJION: ( _to the boys_ ) If you don't behave I'll make the Oompa Loompas chase you!

SPOT: ( _now giggling girlishly and chasing one of the little orange and green men_ ) But it's so _fun_! Look how _fast_ he is!

WONKA: ( _with obvious concern_ ) No, leave him alone, don't chase him, please...

( _And then Bumlets and Blink barrel past, knocking Wonka into his own chocolate river, where he sits, glaring.._.)

LACEY: We need to control them or the weird guy's gonna be even madder!

MAC: Not to mention the horrible sugar rush we're already dealing with...

ANJION: I think now would be a good time to insert a song. And _'Sugar Rush_ ' by the A-Teens is perfect... ( _She starts to sing._..)

RACE: ( _shocked into normality_ ) Ok, maybe we should get outta here...

SNODDY: ( _the only Newsie_ not _on a sugar high_ ) There's a portal here...

ITEY: ( _cautiously_ ) Is it safe?

( _Kassim sticks his head into the portal_.)

KASSIM: It's just a lot of snow... ( _A snowball suddenly connects with the side of his head and Kassim growls._ ) That was _not_ _funny_ , Olaf!

( _We follow him through the portal._ )

BIANKIES: I _like_ this world. Not many scary things here!

BERNARD: But its not the North Pole! And besides, you and Stars are the ones who put the monsters in in the first place...

BIANKIES: ( _to Kassim_ ) Can you please say something not so nice to Bernard? I'm trying really hard to be put on the Nice list...

( _But before Kassim can say anything, Olaf throws another snowball at him._ )

KASSIM: Olaf, do that again and I'll knock your block off! ( _And he proceeds to chase the giggling snowman._ )

BERNARD: ( _grumpily_ ) No cheating, Mouse! You can't get someone else to look bad so that you look good, it's not–

( _He gets caught in the crossfire of a very frenzied snowball fight at this point and gets knocked out._ )

OMAR: ( _noticing_ _this_ ) I'm glad it wasn't _me_ this time...

BIANKIES: ( _to the fallen elf_ ) Fine. I'll be good so that I get a dinosaur.

MARSHMALLOW THE GIANT SNOWMAN: ( _suddenly appearing over the hill_ ) RRRRRRRUUUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGG!

( _He starts lumbering down the hill and we all run, giggling, for the exit portal_.)

BIANKIES: ( _as we cross the threshold_ , _still laughing_ ) Okay, maybe telling him he looked cute the last time we were here wasn't the best thing to do...

OMAR: Or having Iago throw exploding powder at him...

SNIPESHOOTER: Or...

BERNARD: Okay, I get it. You tortured the poor thing.

ANJION AND BIANKIES: And _that_ wasn't _anything_ to do with _us_!

BOOTS: ( _apprehensively,_ _to Anjion_ ) So where _are_ we exactly? Because I feel like we've been here before...

( _We turn around to look at the large walls that surround us..._ )

JACK AND DAVID: ( _disbelieving_ ) Not _again_...

CRUTCHIE: Quick! Someone knock Omar out before he sees –

OMAR: ( _in a panic_ ) IT'S THE MAZE AGAIN! WAAAAAAAAAA!

MINHO: Omar, stop screaming! The Grievers will–

GRIEVERS: RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!

MINHO: ( _helplessly_ ) –hear you.

BIANKIES: I don't like this one bit, Starsie. Do your Leprechaun voice; maybe _that_ will help!

MINHO: I don't think _that's_ going to scare them.

ANJION: ( _uncertainly_ ) Ok... Er, ( _to the Grievers_ ) Top o' the mornin' to ya! I's a lucky Leprechaun...

( _Anjion continues in this manner, but the Grievers just look at her. The boys, however.._.)

BUMLETS: ( _clutching his ears_ ) No no no...

MUSH: ( _moaning in distress_ ) Make it stop! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

MINHO: ( _matter-of-factly_ ) That sure is a _terrible_ Irish accent. ( _He passes out._ )

LACEY: I don't think it's working. Let's go!

BIANKIES: Someone help me grab Minho.

MUSH: I'll help!

RACE: ( _to_ _Anjion_ ) Why isn't she being a coward like Omar?

KASSIM: ( _glaring at his fleeing friend_ ) Omar, get back here!

( _Omar doesn't get very far as the ground suddenly opens up beneath us, and we all fall down and down until we land, in a heap, on something wooden and wet.._.)

BOOTS: ( _looking up_ ) We're on a ship again.

ANJION: ( _getting up and pulling Biankies to her feet_ ) Oh no, it's the Flying Dutchman! Davy Jones' ship!

BIANKIES: ( _looking at Bernard rather evilly_ ) Now would be a very good time for you to look away so me and Starsie can plot something...

( _The elf stares at us with a horrified expression, but before we can do anything_...)

OMAR: ( _pointing towards the ship's cabin_ ) L-look!

( _We all turn to look at the strange creature that is Davy Jones..._ )

( _pause_ )

KASSIM: ( _in disbelief_ ) It has an _octopus_ on its face?!

DAVY JONES: I shall feed you to my pet kraken for that remark. ( _He calls to his crew_ ) Boys!

( _Two members of his barnacled crew immediately advance on Kassim._ )

KASSIM: ( _nervously_ ) No! I ain't gonna be lunch for anyone's pet! Where's a portal when you need one?

( _Kassim leaps backwards without looking...straight into the kraken's mouth_.)

OMAR: KASSIM!

( _But a few seconds later, the Kraken spits Kassim back out again_.)

KRAKEN: ( _howling_ ) TOO HOT! TOO HOT! AAAGGHH! IT BURNSSS USSS, PRECIOUS, IT BURNSSSS USSSSS!

BIANKIES: We need a distraction!

IAGO: ( _from his hiding place behind Babkak_ ) I brought some exploding powder...

KASSIM: Forget the distraction! We need to get _out_ of here!

( _Iago throws the powder anyway, and we escape through the portal that has now chosen to appear, just as the powder explodes, destroying the kraken and sinking the Flying Dutchman_.)

ROMEO: Well, that's _them_ well and truly sunk...

KASSIM: ( _edging away from Iago_ ) Just keep that stuff away from me!

IAGO: ( _grinning_ ) No promises...

BIANKIES: ( _squeakily_ ) Right now, we got bigger problems, Kassim. Look where we are!

( _We all look around the huge cave that we have arrived in._ )

SWIFTY: Where _are_ we?

LES: ( _touching some of the strange, silvery substance that seems to be hung between the walls_ ) This feels like cobweb...

SKITTERY: ( _shrieking and climbing onto Babkak's head_ ) S-s-s-spiders!

( _And then Shelob appears.._.)

BIANKIES: ( _nervously_ ) Starsie we're gonna need bug spray.

OMAR: ( _cowering behind Kassim_ ) And lots of it.

SWIFTY: Or we could just run...

SAM GAMGEE: ( _holding up Frodo's magic vial_ ) I'll save you! This monster tried to kill my Master!

( _And he chases Shelob off down the tunnel._ )

JACK: ( _impressed_ ) Wow! He's got guts.

ANDREW KEENAN-BOLGER: ( _seemingly appearing out of nowhere_ ) Who's got guts? And why are you on the stage? There's no-one else here...

BUMLETS: ( _looking_ _around_ _the_ _theatre_ ) Huh? How did _that_ happen? We were in a cave a second ago...

BIANKIES: ( _happily_ ) Yay! No more scary monsters!

( _Omar and Skittery start dancing around in relief, only to accidentally knock a certain someone off the stage_...)

AKB: ( _groaning_ ) Ow...

OMAR: Oops...sorry...

RANDOM SCREAMING AKB FANGIRL: ( _immediately appearing on the scene next to Andrew_ ) Oh no! You've KILLED him! How COULD you?! WAAAAAAAAAAA!

OMAR: ( _frightened_ ) WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

BERNARD: ( _hesitantly_ ) Excuse me, miss, I think he's ok...

RANDOM SCREAMING AKB FANGIRL: ( _seeing Bernard and immediately forgetting AKB_ ) My, you're so CUTE! What's your name? ( _She starts to advance on the unfortunate elf._ )

BERNARD: HEEELLLLLPPPPP!

AKB: ( _rather put out_ ) Ow. ( _He gets no response from Fangirl_ ) Ow! ( _still nothing_ ) Ahem! OW!

( _Fangirl glares at him and then turns back to where Bernard is...or rather, where he_ was _..._ )

FANGIRL: ( _suspiciously_ ) Hey! Where did cute face go?

( _Many hands all point in different directions. Fangirl huffs and stalks out of the theatre_.)

BERNARD: ( _from his place at the top of the curtain_ ) Phew...

BIANKIES: ( _pulling out a random picture of a raptor and holding it close_ ) I won't laugh. I'm a good Mouse. I won't laugh...

( _But she bursts out laughing anyway, followed by the boys._ )

AKB: What just happened?!

KASSIM: ( _chuckling_ ) I don't know but it was funny.

BERNARD: ( _still on top of the curtain_ ) Could someone please help me down?

GENIE: ( _popping up_ ) Certainly!

( _He snaps his fingers and Bernard crashes down to the ground_.)

BERNARD: ( _groaning_ ) Thanks...

GENIE: You're welcome! ( _He disappears again._ )

KASSIM: ( _wistfully_ ) I wish _I_ had a random screaming fangirl...

ANJION: ( _pointing to herself and Biankies_ ) _You've_ got _two_! We _love_ you! Well, _my_ favourite is Omar but we both love all three of you!

BABKAK: So why do you beat us up so?

BIANKIES: That's just how we roll...

KASSIM: ( _whining_ ) But its _still_ not _fair_...

BIANKIES: Why is everyone making it so hard to stay on the Nice list? I really want that dino pet!

BABKAK: There's no way _you're_ getting on the Nice list.

BIANKIES: ( _pouting_ ) Starsie, they're being mean!

RACE: ( _cautiously_ ) Right now, Mouse, that ain't important.

ANJION: ( _confused_ ) What do you mean?

RACE: Omar's got a wand again...

BIANKIES: Duck and cover, people!

BERNARD: Why?

( _Biankies pulls him down behind a cardboard rock as Omar happily waves the wand around, not noticing everyone scattering for hiding places.._.)

OMAR: Hey! Where did everybody go?

( _And then the scene changes and we are suddenly surrounded by Death Eaters..._ )

ANJION: Quick, everybody, use your wands!

( _She turns to the nearest Death Eater and shoots the 'Petrificus Totalus' spell at him, causing him to go rigid and fall down_.)

OMAR: ( _enthusiastically trying to copy Anjion's spell_ ) PETRIFIED UNCLE ALEX!

PETRIFIED UNCLE ALEX: ( _bursting forth and screaming wildly in his thick Scottish accent_ ) THE BEASTIES ARE BACK! I DINNAE KEN HOW TO ESCAPE THEM! HEEELLLLPPP MEEEEE!

( _And he hurls himself into the fray, knocking Death Eaters aside left, right and centre._..)

BIANKIES: ( _popping out of her hiding place as the last Death Eater disappears_ ) Good job Omar!

SKITTERY: Maybe he _isn't_ that bad with a wand.

KASSIM: Until he turns us into animals again...

TUMBLER: ( _to_ _Dutchy_ ) Dutchy, look!

( _He points to a random hole in the sky, through which a small, whiskered green face is peering.._.)

YODA: ( _referring to the battle he has just witnessed_ ) Courage, Yoda likes. Cunning, you are. Lightsabers, you shall have.

( _And suddenly everybody is holding lightsabers as Hogwarts dissolves into the world of Star Wars..._ )

BIANKIES: ( _nervously to Anjion_ ) Do you think we should let Omar _have_ one of these? He could do more than make his finger bleed with one...

KASSIM: ( _overhearing_ ) OMAR, GIVE ME THAT THING!

OMAR: ( _swinging the lightsaber out of Kassim's reach_ ) No! _My_ toy!

( _There is a pause, and then Omar looks down at Kassim's torso, which is no longer attached to his legs_.)

OMAR: ( _quietly_ ) Oh. Oops...

KASSIM: ( _crossing his arms in the sudden absence of any hips_ ) Thanks a _lot_ , Omar. How am I supposed to run _now_?

( _As if to demonstrate, Kassim's legs promptly run off on their own_.)

KASSIM: Hey! Come back! Don't be such cowardly legs! COME BACK!

ANJION: ( _trying not to laugh_ ) Don't fret, we'll get Genie to fix you...

KASSIM: And how am I supposed to go anywhere in the meantime?

C-3PO: ( _appearing and seeing Kassim's difficulty_ ) Ah. Well I could lend him a pair of _my_ spare legs until his own turn up...

KASSIM: Thanks...I think...

BIANKIES: ( _sneakily_ ) Starsie, do you know where the camera is? I want a picture of this.

KASSIM: Don't you dare!

ANJION: ( _ignoring him and_ _passing Biankies her camera_ ) You snap, I'll hold him still...

KASSIM: ( _a few moments later_ ) Now can we please focus on finding my legs ?

BIANKIES: ( _grinning at the pictures_ ) Sure.

BERNARD: I thought you wanted to be on the Nice list, Mouse.

BIANKIES: ( _guiltily_ ) I'm _trying_ to be a good Mouse...

MUSH: Don't worry, Mouse. _I'll_ tell him you've just been going along with Anjion's evil deeds...

ANJION: ( _affronted_ ) Hey! ( _She turns to Biankies, pulling her best 'Puss in Boots' face_ ) You wouldn't let him do that...would you?

BIANKIES: Of course not, Starsie! I want a dinosaur!

KASSIM: People, focus! We're looking for my legs, remember?

( _Everyone ignores him_.)

BERNARD: Can we _please_ just get to the North Pole now? There are scary shadows coming this way...

BIANKIES: Oh no! It's the stormtroopers! We've gotta go! Or do something equally constructive!

SWIFTY: Like...running?

ANJION: Great idea!

( _We all run round another corner, only to find that our way is blocked by an angry Snylitzel.._.)

 **[A/N: a Snylitzel is a creature that is essentially Snyder, Pulitzer and Wiesel rolled into one hideous body.]**

AKB: We're gonna need some help...

ALL: GENIE!

( _Seconds later, the carpet flies in, riding the Genie._ )

GENIE: ( _miserably_ ) It wanted to see if its steering skills were better than mine...

BIANKIES: ( _staring wide eyed at the Genie_ ) But the carpet hasn't got any hands to steer _with_!

KASSIM: ( _glowering at the carpet, which is now behaving as it should_ ) I am _not_ getting on that carpet again! Mouse, would you please do the 'strike' pose for me; I can't sit down very well with these metal legs.

( _Biankies obligingly folds her arms and sits down, crossing her legs and refusing to move._ )

ANJION: Mouse, come _on_! We gotta _go_! Bernard, help me out here...

BERNARD: Er, if you don't come _now_ I'll...I'll tell Santa not to give you a dinosaur!

BIANKIES: ( _to Kassim_ ) You're on your own. ( _to Anjion_ ) Save me a spot, Starsie!

BERNARD: ( _watching us climb onto the small carpet_ ) How are we all going to fit on there?

SKITTERY: ( _pulling Bernard up after himself as Snylitzel closes in_ ) We'll fit!

( _We all squeeze onto the carpet – which is suddenly fitted with 'L' plates – and soon find ourselves in Agrabah. And there we see that the palace guards have cornered what looks suspiciously like a pair of legs..._ )

KASSIM: ( _annoyed_ ) Hey! Unhand my legs!

( _This distracts the guards, giving Kassim's legs the chance to run across and hide, trembling, behind Babkak_.)

KASSIM: ( _to the Genie, pointing at his legs_ ) Genie, please fix me!

( _Genie does so – backwards the first time – but soon Kassim is back in one piece_.)

KASSIM: Phew!

( _He swiftly and sneakily snatches Omar's saber in an attempt to keep the rest of us in one piece, but he only succeeds in making Omar cry._ )

ALL: Omar, stop crying.

BIANKIES: ( _pulling out another saber_ ) Here Omar, you can have mine. Just be careful with it.

OMAR: ( _taking it_ ) This thing is AWESOME!

( _He swings the saber...and accidentally cuts Genie's finger_.)

GENIE: ( _deadpan_ ) My finger's bleeding.

OMAR: ( _starting to cry again_ ) S-sorry...

( _He drops the saber in fright and everyone takes at least 3 steps away from it_.)

GENIE: Don't worry, kid. I can fix it.

( _But he 'fixes' it so that the end of his finger is actually a toothbrush head_.)

INSPECTOR GADGET: ( _angrily_ ) Hey! That's _my_ thing! I ought to _sue_ you for copywriting!

GENIE: Uh, sorry...

BIANKIES: ( _chuckling_ ) Who knew that being a good Mouse could be so funny!

BERNARD: ( _really getting frustrated now_ ) We need to get to the North Pole, remember?!

( _Everyone ignores the upset elf as we stare instead at Iago, who is running from a very angry looking camel._..)

ANJION: Iago, stop terrorizing the locals. Come on, we're going to the North Pole!

BERNARD: At last!

( _The camel snorts at him, sending him skittering behind Skittery and Bumlets_.)

ALADDIN: ( _swinging into the picture_ ) Quick, guys, go! Jafar's in a foul mood! Run! Run!

BIANKIES: When is he _not_ in a foul mood? Now where's a portal when you need one?

BUMLETS: ( _pointing to the left_ ) There's one over there...

ITEY: What if it doesn't take us to the North Pole?

RACE: I think we're gonna have to chance it...

( _We dive through a curtain of purple mist...and suddenly turn into a number of minute steamships, chugging along on a great ocean._ )

SPECS: Ok...this is new...

BIANKIES: Starsie, how did this happen?

ANJION: ( _baffled_ ) I have no idea.

MUSH: Hey! What is that big thing coming right towards us?

( _We all stare nervously at the fast approaching island with giant rocks directly on our current path._ )

RANDOM SAILOR: ( _loudly_ ) ABANDON SHIP!

MUSH: We can't! We _are_ the ships!

ANJION: Quickly, everyone, wish upon a star!

( _So everyone wishes upon a star and suddenly.._.)

MAC: Hey look, there's the shore! Covered in stockings, Christmas decorations and jingle bells...?

DAVID: Wow! They're dedicated, aren't they?

BERNARD: ( _perking up at this_ ) At last! The North Pole!

( _We reach dry land at this point and turn back into humans almost immediately._ )

BIANKIES: Hooray! Now let's go find Santa! I'm not sure how much longer I can be good, and I really want that dinosaur!

( _She starts to walk off with determination._ )

BERNARD: ( _following_ , _somewhat hesitantly_ ) Well, the thing is Santa can't actually _give_ presents that eat people or elves. It's against the rules.

BIANKIES: ( _her lip trembling_ ) But I _want_ one! I came all this way...

AKB: ( _whispering to Anjion_ ) You'd better get the mop, Stars; I think Omar and Mouse are gonna cry now.

ANJION: ( _hastily_ ) Don't cry, anyone! I've already figured out a way to get past that...

( _At this moment, a loud clatter is heard, startling Bernard and sending him up onto Kassim's head._ )

CURTIS THE ELF: ( _picking up his dropped clipboard_ ) At _last_! You guys should've been here _hours_ ago! Where's Bernard?

BERNARD: ( _climbing back down from Kassim's shoulders_ ) I'm here.

( _He scowls at his Number 2 in an effort to hide his embarrassment, and Curtis shrinks a little under his gaze._ )

OMAR AND DAVID: ( _to Biankies_ ) Come _on_! We wanna see Santa!

BIANKIES: Okay! Come on Starsie; here we go!

( _The three of them each grab an arm and start running across the snowy plain._..)

( _A few minutes later._..)

DAVID: ( _looking at Kassim with a baffled expression_ ) I thought I grabbed Stars.

OMAR: ( _looking at a very confused Mush_ ) So did I. Mouse?

BIANKIES: ( _avoiding the question_ ) Oh no! I think we're lost and we don't have Stars...

( _A short distance behind them, a random hermit appears in a miniature flood of tin cans_.)

HERMIT: ( _rubbing his head_ ) Curses! Curses! I have knocked over my lucky tin-can tower! Again! This does _not_ bode well...

( _Then he spots Anjion lying face down in the snow, randomly wearing her leprechaun outfit._ )

HERMIT: Aaagghhh! And you have squished a lucky Leprechaun! We are _doomed_ , I tell ye; Dooooooomed...

SKITTERY: I don't like the sound of that.

OMAR: ( _overhearing the Hermit's yelling_ ) That sounds scary...

SKITTERY: Cowards! It's time to do what we do best!

BIANKIES: ( _reluctant to go_ ) But someone crushed Starsie!

SKITTERY: Okay; Option two!

( _The cowardly Trio look around until they spot Kassim.._.)

KASSIM: ( _seeing the approaching cowards a second too late_ ) Oh no you don't...

( _They all jump on him and Kassim falls over_.)

CURTIS: ( _reappearing_ ) Come on guys! _This_ way!

MUSH: Follow that elf! He seems to know where he's going!

BIANKIES: We gotta find Stars first.

DAVID: Before she realises she's wearing her Leprechaun costume...

SKITTERY: We should get earmuffs just in case.

CURTIS: What's so bad about your friend realising she's dressed like a Leprechaun?

KASSIM: You don't want to find out. You really don't. Trust me.

ANJION: ( _coming round_ ) Ouch. I feel like I got trampled. ( _She gets up and looks down_.) Oh. And it appears I am dressed like a Leprechaun. I wonder how that happened?

BOOTS: ( _rushing over_ ) Stars, come quick! A strange man with spiky blue hair just froze Mouse!

ANJION: ( _angrily_ ) Grrrrrrr! No one freezes my best friend and gets away with it! Lead on, Boots!

( _A little way away_...)

MUSH: ( _pointing at Jack Frost_ ) He froze Mouse!

KASSIM: ( _looking down_ ) He froze my feet too.

OMAR: ( _to Babkak_ , _close to tears_ ) Make him unfreeze Mouse!

KASSIM: _And_ my feet!

( _A few moments later_...)

ANJION: ( _marching in_ ) Jack Frost! Unfreeze Mouse at once or I'll...I'll...I'll think of something unpleasant to do to you!

JACK FROST: ( _unconcerned_ ) Like what?

BLINK: Oh, she'll think of something...

( _Jack opens his mouth to say something clever, but then he sees Anjion's glare and thinks better of it._ )

JACK: ( _grudgingly_ ) Oh, alright.

( _And he unfreezes Biankies – and Kassim's feet – in record time._ )

BIANKIES: ( _shivering_ ) So cold...

( _Santa walks in with Judy, who passes Biankies a mug of steaming cocoa_.)

SANTA: What happened here?

MUSH: ( _immediately_ ) Jack froze Mouse!

SANTA: ( _sternly, to Jack_ ) Is this true?

JACK: Well, technically it was Anjion 'cause she's one of the auth-

SANTA: ( _interrupting_ ) You _do_ know that means I can't give you a present this year?

JACK: ( _muttering_ ) I never get any anyway...

SANTA: ( _to everyone_ ) Let's go to my Workshop!

( _It doesn't take long to reach the Workshop, and we arrive just in time to witness a huge explosion of glitter and glue_.)

TUMBLER AND LES: ( _emerging, covered in sparkly stuff_ ) Oops...

BIANKIES: ( _in_ _exasperation_ ) We're supposed to be being _good_!

BERNARD: ( _reappearing_ , _covered in pink sparkles_ ) Santa, are these guys on the Naughty list yet? My guess is that they _will_ be...

( _We quickly hurry to try and fix the mess, but not before Snitch trips over a very small elf and knocks him flying into the Wrapping machine..._ )

SNITCH: I didn't mean to do that...

( _And before long, the scene is of disorder and chaos. Les and Tumbler are now chasing the elves across the workshop, wielding their wooden swords; the Wrapping machine has mysteriously grown arms and is 'eating' the elves trying to work it; the Pantograph machine is spewing out multiple duplicates of Bernard, all of which are shouting at Curtis; and the glitter tank is now erupting every few minutes._..)

BIANKIES: ( _hiding behind Anjion_ ) We gotta _do_ something, Starsie.

MUSH: ( _shakily_ ) The wrapping machine just ate Santa!

ANJION: ( _somewhat hysterically_ ) This is getting out of hand! Look, there's a wrapped Santa over there. And Babkak and Comet are squabbling over the chocolate in the kitchens! How are we gonna get on the Nice list _now_?!

LACEY: I know someone you can call to help us out...

ANJION AND BIANKIES: Who you gonna call?

NEWSIES: ( _in unison, briefly pausing what they are doing_ ) GENIE!

GENIE: ( _flying in_ ) _I_ ain't afraid of no dysfunctional crazy authors!

( _He snaps his fingers and the room is filled with blue smoke. When it clears, it reveals a room full of penguins._..)

GENIE: Um...oops?

BIANKIES: I don't want to be a penguin!

KASSIM: _I_ don't mind. I'm the best looking penguin here...

SPOT: Says you!

ANJION AND BIANKIES: It's true though...

BERNARD: ( _flapping his flippers and shouting in frustration_ ) That's _IT_! I've had _ENOUGH_! I can't _take_ anymore! Look at me; I'm a _penguin_! What use is _that_ to anyone? I just want-

( _During this rant, the Genie finally manages to fix everything while Anjion whispers to Santa, who nods. Then everyone files out, leaving Bernard on his own._ )

SANTA: ( _to Race_ ) I bet you he'll still be there when we get back.

SPOT: Where are we going?

SANTA: ( _his eyes glittering_ ) Now that would be telling!

ANJION: ( _pulling her friend to the front_ ) Come on Mousey!

( _We reach a small room, and Santa pulls the door open with a flourish to reveal...a tiny puppy-sized dinosaur!_ )

QUINTON: It's an android, so it'll never get any bigger, but it's ultra-intelligent and has been programmed to eat only what you say it can...

 **[A/N: Quinton is the colourful inventor elf who helps modify the sleigh in the first** _ **The Santa Clause**_ **movie.]**

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) Hope you like it, Mouse! Merry Christmas!

BIANKIES: ( _happily picking up the small raptor_ ) I love it!

PIE EATER: What are you going to call him?

BIANKIES: I'm gonna call him Lucky. ( _She starts crooning over her new pet_.)

SPOT: ( _turning to Santa_ ) But _why_? Stars and Mouse have been anything _but_ good...

SANTA: Well, first of all, this is _their_ story, so they can do what they like; and second, I thought it was pretty funny...

( _By now we have returned to the main workshop where, as predicted, Bernard is still going_.)

BERNARD: ( _almost crying by this point_ ) I mean, at _this_ rate we'll _never_ be ready for Christmas... ( _he suddenly realises that he is on his own_ ) Hey! Where did everybody go?

( _And then suddenly he spots a very small dinosaur leaping out at him._..)

BERNARD: AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

( _And he runs away, raptor on his heels_.)

BIANKIES: ( _calling loudly_ ) Lucky! Leave him alone! You don't eat elf; you're supposed to eat nuts, bolts and other metal stuff!

( _But the excited dino ignores her..._ )

BERNARD: ( _high-pitched_ ) Somebody help meeeeee!

ANJION: Come on, we'd better help him...

( _And so we all chase after elf and dinosaur, leaving behind one solitary elf who has been hiding under a table ever since we arrived_...)

LITTLE ELF: ( _to himself, coming out from under the table_ ) Have they gone? ( _He looks around and finds himself alone_ ) Phew! Safe at last! At least nothing else can go wrong now...

( _And then the glitter tank explodes one last time, completely covering the little elf in pink sparkles and glue._ )

LITTLE ELF: ( _sighing defeatedly_ ) Oh well...

* * *

Epilogue 1:

( _Sometime later, back in Manhattan, we are being chased once again..._ )

SNYDER: ( _bellowing at the top of his voice_ ) TAKE ONE MORE STEP AND _DIE,_ YOU BRAINLESS MISCREANTS!

JAFAR: ( _suddenly_ _appearing_ , _incensed_ ) That, sir, is _my_ line! ( _He turns Snyder into a glittery, tinsel clad totem pole_ ) Come Iago!

( _And he sweeps away, leaving us all blinking like idiots._..)

* * *

Epilogue 2:

( _Sometime_ much _later._..)

ANJION: ( _to Biankies_ ) That was fun!

BIANKIES: ( _grinning_ ) Sure was!

BERNARD: ( _holding his now tattered, Lucky-chewed clothes tight about him_ ) For _you_ , maybe. _I_ got bitten by a miniature dinosaur.

KASSIM: Well _I_ hope they're not gonna steal my legs again. That was _really_ uncomfortable.

BRANDON: ( _popping in_ ) You mean they've been stealing my legs?

JONATHAN: ( _bursting into tears_ ) WAAAAAAAA!

BRANDON, BRIAN, ANJION AND BIANKIES: Jonathan, stop crying.

BRIAN: Why are you crying, anyway? It's not _your_ legs they took!

KASSIM: And they gave them back...eventually...

The End


End file.
